The Told vs The Untold…Part 1…
“Water’s Soul”…a gigantic statue, located at my neighborhood, giving me a sense of belonging…I said, “Yeah, the message fits how I feel for most times and it’s wonderful to be a part of this neighborhood.” I interpret it as a sense of “quietness”, a place where I could be most creative and reflective simultaneously, a place where I could reach the clarity that I need to either produce, move on, let go, or stay still.
“Listen to Silence. It has so much to say.” ( Rumi)… “The quieter you become the more you are able to hear” ( Rumi)… “Silence is a source of great strength.” ( Lao Tzu)…
December 4, 2021….
I woke up feeling anxious and unsettled…it was one of those mornings that I struggled to feel good about myself. I felt that I am not enough…It was hard to get up from the bed and walk my steps to the windows in my room, to open the blind, which to me means: I welcome the new day… So… I decided not to push myself to do it, rather I sat on my bed and started my self-communication ( not self-talk), “I woke up with lots of thoughts, dizzied and blurred my head, and lots of feelings, pained my heart…I admitted those! Now, don’t stop here! Admitting what is told is great. Now, What have you not thought and said to yourself this morning? What’s your “silence” this morning? What’s the untold this morning?” That question was my motivation to get up, walk to the windows, and open the blinds. I saw the reflection of the sun on the Hudson River, the clear sky with gorgeous forming clouds, and my mission is to answer, “What’s my “silence” this morning?”
Most of our days are spent with people talking, answering, questioning, arguing, commenting, discussing, telling, requesting, agreeing, texting, calling…yet, ironically, in all of those forms, communicating is scarce. Many of us focus on the words that are said and spoken because they are “loud”, and we form reactions based on those. Those reactions form another spurring of loud words, then another form of reactions, and the cycle goes on…in it, we barely think of intentions, process, thoughts, understanding, compassions, empathy, and connections. We are more thinking of solutions, endings, pity, judgments, actions, reciprocities, and results. When the day is over, in our aloneness, many of us feel misunderstood, unproductive, unsatisfied, and there is this “empty” feeling, lack of clarity on what happened and what will be next.
“The Told” , usually, are not a form of communication. They are not necessarily a form of connection and intention. They are, more often than not, forms of solutions and actions. They feed our senses, what we could see, hear, taste, touch, and smell…they feed our tangible world…they feed the needs for us to feel the instant gratifications of anything, like having someone to talk to, having someone to need us, having someone to touch, having food to eat, etc…they produce the solutions for our tangible world. And, more than likely, they stop there! They’re functional and transactional…
“The Untold” are, more often than not, silent. It requires us to listen to them, to do the extra mile to make them told. It requires us asking ourselves, “What’s important for and to me?” It requires us to face the fact of who we are at a certain point of time. It forces us to come to the “within”, the place that we often choose to be “without.” The ones that push us not to talk because we don’t know how to talk about them; not to question because we fear of the answers; not to comment because they are deeply personal; not to request because heaven forbid that they might be shameful and ridiculous; not to argue with because the more we do, the more miserable we are; not to call on because we don’t want them to come. “The Untold” is not silent because they are. They are silent because they’ve been silenced. They’re intentional and authentic…
The abstraction of intention and authenticity facilitates our oblivious approach to them. The fast pace of modern society, the fear of scarcity, and the avoidance of trust are major reasons for most of us to mute the “untold.” The risks are too high, no guarantees are offered, and the costs could be enormous. Au contraire, the transaction and functional are recognizable, and most importantly, the results are predictable and the costs are either quantifiable or qualifiable, or both. The idea of certainty heightens the desire for us to press the “on” button on most things that are loud and told. It makes sense, doesn’t it?
Back to the premise “ the untold is silent because they’ve been silenced”…nothing could be silenced forever. The untold will find its way out whether we allow it or not. If we don’t allow it, it’ll come out as misery; if we allow it, it’ll come out as growth. Either one way or the other, the untold will “scream” at us. Silence does not mean quiet.
In the moment of discontent, confusion, sorrow, not knowing where to go, what to do, when the doubts are overwhelming, ask yourself, “What have you not told yourself? What’s the untold?” Dare yourself to listen to the voice that will say who you really are and what you really need, the one that might say, “You’re not alone!” That might say, “You’re amazing because…” The one that might say, “ This job is not for you!” or “ That person is not right for you!” The one that will say your inner voice, the voice that you might’ve muted for the sake of others ( or yourself!). It will be super uncomfortable and it might make you want to run away!…my hope is for you to feel the intense discomfort and to stay where you’re at, and let the untold communicates to you…
You see, the “untold”, if you listen to them, won’t tell you only what they are…they’ll come with the package of the why and the how…they don’t demand you to change…they demand you to understand the need to change…they won’t promise you results…they’ll promise you adventures…remember! The ones you choose to live “without” are, more than likely, the ones that are already “within”…
There were a couple of Medium writers that I reached out to yesterday and I told them the fact that I felt unsettled. I wanted to relay my thanks to Matthew Thiele and Sunny H for their wishes, the fact that they made the time to connect with me with the hope that I feel better, with the empathy…their “untold” intention is felt…
I am chopping this article into two parts. This one focuses on the relationship between “the untold” and “self”. The second part will be about the roles of the “untold” for “self” in relation with others.
Reflection on December 4, 2021 AM…
Thank you for reading this article! This is my way to communicate to you and my way to remind myself to stay put and feel the discomfort…“What had I not said to myself yesterday morning? What was my “silence” yesterday morning?”… the one that made me felt not enough…I found the answer “within” me as I am writing this article…the one that says, “You need to be grateful for yourself! You haven’t said that to yourself this week!” This is the quote I dedicate to myself, and to all of us…
“I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.” (John Green)
My untold yesterday reminded me that within the numbered of days or years that I will have in this world, I am infinitely “me”. Therefore, if I let the “told”, the ones that I’ve heard from others about me, the ones that I chose to hear often times to dominate my mind and heart, and to forego the chance to listen to the untold, the authenticities within me, then…a gentle nudge will come my way…the one I experienced yesterday morning…the misery of feeling not enough…the untold whispers, “ Press the “on” button, embrace you, embrace me”…
