Aloneness…Intimacy…Simultaneous…

Thanksgiving week…the holiday season is here… my heart is in the mix of warm, fuzzy, content, sad, longing, and the romantic feelings of contentment…with a pair of pajama, a cup of coffee, great movies, delicious pastries, cookies, cakes, good food, great songs, long walks, Christmas theme socks and sweaters, Christmas cards… and the simultaneous existence of aloneness and intimacy.

Aloneness… one word…sounds so simple…brutally hard to achieve…Intimacy…one word…sounds so natural…brutally abstract to experience…Simultaneous…one word…brutally true in my life…

“As I Lay Me Down” one of my very favorite songs…I included in the 95% of the playlists that I put together… I saw the official video on YouTube for the first time in 2014 and ever since, it has been the “designated” place when I wanted a place to feel alone and intimate at the same time…seating down on the staircase, seating and swinging in the middle of fallen leaves…seating on a tree and hugging it ( I love to climb, sit on, and hug trees!)…owning every emotion to the last drop…that’s aloneness and intimacy for me…

Sophie B. Hawkins wrote and sang the song. According to what I read, she wrote the song in the memory of her father. Having struggled with her mother and brother, her stability came from her father. The song cries out the simultaneity of aloneness and intimacy…alone without her father, yet holding on to the intimacy with him…

It felt like spring time on this February morning
In a courtyard birds were singing your praise
I’m still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today
Now as I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy

My thoughts… “Spring” on a February morning…when the birds sing…the words said, unforgotten, and dearly held…whispering a name to the sky… “You are beautiful!”…those are the words that would make me feel like spring on a February morning…the words said, unforgotten, and dearly held…the words that would make me look up to the sky and whisper a name…the words that will make my awaking moment happy…the words I learned to say it to myself…first, hesitantly…second, shamefully…to…now…freely, assuredly, shamelessly, and constantly….

I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow
Heavy hearted
Till you call my name
And it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train
On a summer evening
I’ll run to meet you
Barefoot, barely breathing

My thoughts…percolator…strong brewing coffee…taking the 20 minutes time…the feeling of high though the heart aches…the warm summer night…the door closes…the goodbye said…the feet numbed, the heart runs to you…hoping you’d hear it…the heart that’s bare, the beats that are discounted…the question, “What’s my worth?”…the smile that says, “Bear with me!”

As I lay me down to sleep (ooh la kah koh)
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky (ooh la kah koh)
And I will wake up happy

Oh, darling
As I lay me down to sleep (ooh la kah koh)
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky (ooh la kah koh)
And I will wake up happy

My thoughts…that lullaby…sing it, say it, dream it, hope it, feel it…the lips that said, “I am here”… the hands that reached out, “Grab me tightly!”…the feet that moved, “Don’t run! Stay!”…the voice that whispers, “ It’s Me! It’s all Me!”…the sun that invites the eyes to open, “ Welcome me! Hug every drop of my shine!”…

It’s not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though it’s not clear to me
Every season has it’s change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again

My thoughts…uncertainty…unknown reasons…far away places…the close by rooms…surety of breathing…decided pathways…stillness of stares…movements of hips…the clarity of moments…the existence of feelings…

As I lay me down to sleep (ooh la kah koh)
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky (ooh la kah koh)
And I will wake up happy

When the sun comes out again
When the sun comes out again

My thoughts…the repetitions of hopes…the rhythms of swings…the irony of simplicity…the acceptance of its complexity…aloneness and intimacy…happen simultaneously…harmoniously…brutally…forcefully…painfully…gaily…

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Hawkins Sophie B

“I want to be alone” is easier said than done… Intimacy is easier dreamt than experienced…yet, they are, without doubts, existing simultaneously…and when it’s happenings… the orgasmic feeling of worthiness, of beauty, of acceptance, of hopes, of clarity is indescribable…addictive…nonchalantly pleasant…

“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings — always darker, emptier, and simpler” ( Friedrich Nietzsche)

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craves for more adventures and connections with others through the “why” and the “how” with kindness, challenges, incompleteness, with a touch of cowardliness

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Eko BP

Eko BP

craves for more adventures and connections with others through the “why” and the “how” with kindness, challenges, incompleteness, with a touch of cowardliness

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