Additions vs. Subtractions
“ Live less out of habit and more out of intent” ( Anonymous)
“That fear of missing out on things makes you miss out on everything” (Etty Hillesum)
When I am teaching young children ( meaning: between 3 through 8 years old), I notice that they learn additions faster than subtractions. Most of them are having a hard time counting backward. Word problems such as Tony has three candies, and he gets two more from his sister, how many candies do Tony have altogether is more straightforward than if Tony has three candies and he gives one to his sister. I find it intriguing. I have been reaching out to a couple of colleagues to do research together on this topic. Is it purely cognitive, or is it somewhat influenced by society, hence it’d be more like social cognitive development?
When I coach the pre-teens and teenagers about priority, the saying “I need more time” is common. They feel that 24 hours a day isn’t enough, and they think that if the day’s been 30 hours, then their grades will go up, their stress will decrease. Most of them, at this age, know not to ask for less homework or fewer quizzes or tests. Therefore they aim to have more time. Is this thought purely logical, or is it a function of social cognitive development?
Being in education for three decades, interacting with students and their families, the idea of more is prevalent in many ways. I will define more as increasing both quantity and quality on tangible factors. During parent-teacher conferences, parents are more at ease when we talk about “progress”; teachers receive better evaluation when more students receive high grades in the class; more enrollment in a school is better; more homework means more learning; the list goes on.
Does success =more? It has been mentioned in many articles and written in many self-help books that success isn’t necessarily more. Yet, the idea persists. For example, I have a colleague who decided to eat less, and what she does now is exercise more. Or another colleague whose 2022’s resolution is to write less and read more. It is rare to hear someone says, “I want to do less of…,” and stop there. Nothing is added after the sentence. Even though I offered examples from others, I am guilty as charged as well. I had to think twice, many times more, before I said, “I want to do less of …” because it’s hard not to say anything afterward. It’s like the feeling of missing out on something.
“Do we see the concept more as a habit rather than an intent?”
“Do we see the concept more as compensation for our fear of missing out on something?”
If we do see the concept more as a habit than an intent, then we need to ask ourselves these three questions:
One, “Do we want to keep this habit? Why or why not?” — A simple yes or no won’t cut it. We need to list the “why” to empower us to see clearly.
Two, “ What is the intent to keep this habit?” — Don’t mistake an intent with a purpose. An “intent” is to fulfill your inner needs, and a “purpose” is to meet worldly needs.
Three, “How do we benefit from seeing more as a habit? Would the benefit outweigh the consequence?” — We are the driver of our choices. If we start to question a concept, we know something does not work out for us the way we want.
If we do see the concept more as compensation for fear of missing out on something, then we need to ask these questions:
One, “ What are we missing out on?” — We need to list the exact circumstance, or item, or event, or person. In other words, we can’t be vague in identifying the “what” it is we are missing out on.
Two, “ Why don’t you want to miss them? Are they important for you? In what ways are they important for you?” — To identify the reasons why won’t be enough. We must identify and understand the importance of each reason.
Three, “ How are you compensated by not missing out on them?” — To acknowledge the consequences, intangible and (or) tangible, will empower us to either keep or let go.
Those questions are guidelines. They are not supposed to be easy answers for them. They are there to help us be fair and true to who we are.
To see the concept more as success isn’t necessarily right or wrong. I am not here to say that “less is more” as each one of us holds a different mission, perspective, and intention while we are on this earth. Instead, it is to make sure that we dare ourselves to ask critical questions while we hold on to particular perspectives, so our time on this earth is worth our while.
Lastly, connecting the concept more with the holiday season is the appropriate time to remind ourselves of many people in this world who are less fortunate than us. I define “less fortunate” in both tangible and intangible terms. It brings me to share Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles story when she was five years old, first grade. In that story, I see the concept more as intent and beauty when a community considers each other as a whole, not as a part; hence, it is hard to fear missing out on something. Isn’t that what success is all about?
